Today was this total re-visitation to my life 8-9 years ago! It was weird.
Capri is teething.. man I forgot how miserable it is! she’s also got a bit of a cold, so she is not sleeping or napping well, so the normally, completely happy perfect baby is so sad… crying, running nose, wants to be held and has no sense of humor!
After eric being up ½ the night, and me up the other ½… I felt so exhausted this morning! I got her to sleep for a little while, but each time I would put her down, she would wake up moments later… I finally got about ½ hour to review my to-do’s and get some work done on my big picture class… when she was back up again. So basically, after I had gone over all the things that I really need to accomplish between now and the end of the week… I came to the realization, that whatever it was… it wasn’t happening today. As I was pacing around my room, and my studio and softly bouncing a very sad baby… and she looked up at me with big tear drops in her eyes, despite the to-do’s… the fact is, she is the most important thing right now. I imagine no one will ever look back and wish they hadn’t sat and held the baby so much!
I feel like this balancing act is harder than I ever imagined…particularly with the anticipation of this baby boy! Chuckle.. .but at least I won’t be pregnant!
It’s funny how as you go along… day to day, facing new challenges and learning how to deal, you forget what the old ones feel like! And here I am facing both…
I find myself wishing I did a better job of journaling!
I had a funny conversation with cory and quincy as we were doing homework… quincy was complaing how hard her kindergarten homework was… the reading. And cory was telling her ‘just wait until you get to second grade…it gets so much harder!’ and went on to describe the things that he is struggling with! I laughed and explained that they can expect that with every year of school, but if they will work hard, they will be ready for the new challenges! And then I said… ‘then when you are a mom, life is SO EASY!’…
And both of them were like “not it’s not…being a mom is so HARD” and went on to tell me all the things that I have to do! like take care of the baby, and work and make dinner, and clean clothes and drive them to friends… and they went on and on. I was SHOCKED! And amazed that they realize how much I do for them! I got a little teary… and certainly appreciated being appreciated… even though I wasn’t getting an official “thank you” and I still had to remind them to pick up dirty socks and put away their homework to get ready for dinner… just knowing that they know somehow made me feel validated!
For now… they are what it’s all about! I am sure that you get out what you put in… just like anything else. I have to remind myself of that a lot! And accept the changes… and remember, that change is good!