Today was this total re-visitation to my life 8-9 years ago! It was weird.
Capri is teething.. man I forgot how miserable it is! she’s also got a bit of a cold, so she is not sleeping or napping well, so the normally, completely happy perfect baby is so sad… crying, running nose, wants to be held and has no sense of humor!
After eric being up ½ the night, and me up the other ½… I felt so exhausted this morning! I got her to sleep for a little while, but each time I would put her down, she would wake up moments later… I finally got about ½ hour to review my to-do’s and get some work done on my big picture class… when she was back up again. So basically, after I had gone over all the things that I really need to accomplish between now and the end of the week… I came to the realization, that whatever it was… it wasn’t happening today. As I was pacing around my room, and my studio and softly bouncing a very sad baby… and she looked up at me with big tear drops in her eyes, despite the to-do’s… the fact is, she is the most important thing right now. I imagine no one will ever look back and wish they hadn’t sat and held the baby so much!
I feel like this balancing act is harder than I ever imagined…particularly with the anticipation of this baby boy! Chuckle.. .but at least I won’t be pregnant!
It’s funny how as you go along… day to day, facing new challenges and learning how to deal, you forget what the old ones feel like! And here I am facing both…
I find myself wishing I did a better job of journaling!
I had a funny conversation with cory and quincy as we were doing homework… quincy was complaing how hard her kindergarten homework was… the reading. And cory was telling her ‘just wait until you get to second grade…it gets so much harder!’ and went on to describe the things that he is struggling with! I laughed and explained that they can expect that with every year of school, but if they will work hard, they will be ready for the new challenges! And then I said… ‘then when you are a mom, life is SO EASY!’…
And both of them were like “not it’s not…being a mom is so HARD” and went on to tell me all the things that I have to do! like take care of the baby, and work and make dinner, and clean clothes and drive them to friends… and they went on and on. I was SHOCKED! And amazed that they realize how much I do for them! I got a little teary… and certainly appreciated being appreciated… even though I wasn’t getting an official “thank you” and I still had to remind them to pick up dirty socks and put away their homework to get ready for dinner… just knowing that they know somehow made me feel validated!
For now… they are what it’s all about! I am sure that you get out what you put in… just like anything else. I have to remind myself of that a lot! And accept the changes… and remember, that change is good!
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I got teary reading that entry, I don't think we realise how much our children do appreciate us sometimes. What a lovely conversation, one to treasure! Hope Capri is feeling better soon, poor baby!
Posted by: Rhona | February 28, 2007 at 09:00 AM
Oh thats so tender! Hope your little gets better soon. A sick baby is the pitts.
Posted by: Lindsey Cord | February 28, 2007 at 09:07 AM
Sounds like good stuff to scrapbook - the highs and lows of being a mom. I hope Capri feels better soon! Don't forget the baby Motrin!
Posted by: KellyM | February 28, 2007 at 09:12 AM
Good for you! Sounds like you're raising great kids ;)
Posted by: Corina | February 28, 2007 at 09:19 AM
Aww, that's sweet! So nice to see that our children recognize all we do for them every now and then!
Posted by: Amie | February 28, 2007 at 09:30 AM
My 'career' as a full-time Mom is almost over... when my third born graduates from high school in May. I'll always be a Mom... but it will be a little different. I became a Mom 25 years ago... and for 25 years that is what I have devoted my life to. I am sooo grateful for the previlege to have been a full-time Mom. Heidi, it really and truly goes by soooo fast! Enjoy those precious moments holding Capri all day... hearing your kids converse... engaging with them in the day to day. Heidi, you get it! You are such a good Mom!
Posted by: Linda Thompson | February 28, 2007 at 09:32 AM
Heidi - that was inspiring... I think that was a journal entry in itself. Too cool.
Posted by: Kal Barteski | February 28, 2007 at 09:38 AM
Hi Heidi~
I don't know if it the time of year, or our age, or society's pressures, or what, but I just posted this morning on this topic of balance. It's a challenge and struggle for all of us...and if you want my take on it, here's the link:
http://jodyferlaak.blogspot.com/2007/02/balanced-diet.html
You know we all support you in your whole life...and that means your priorities too! Thanks for making such an effort to keep it all lined up. My best to you, Eric and all those kidlets. This season of life will be over before we know it...I'm trying to savor every minute of mine, as I can see through this post, that you are too. =)
Posted by: Nitty.Gritty. | February 28, 2007 at 09:46 AM
I don't know. Sounded like an official thank you to me! What great kids.
Posted by: Kim B. | February 28, 2007 at 09:50 AM
Totally needed to hear that today!!! Love you!
Posted by: rane | February 28, 2007 at 10:01 AM
I understand what it's like to have a miserable baby...and not being able to get anything else done. But it doesn't matter, right? They are the most important thing...they're only little once! What a cute conversation with your kids! That is so sweet that they understand just how much you do for them and how hard you work! Don't you love that!!!
Posted by: kim Loewen | February 28, 2007 at 10:05 AM
Oy, sleep deprivation makes for a rough day (or year, at our house, baby #3 just turned one & is not a great sleeper!). But you just hold Capri, your to do list will still be there (don't we know it!). Some days I have to keep reminding myself - this too will pass. It is sooo tough to balance it all, but just think about the things that went right each day, and the stuff you DID accomplish, even if it was just to finally get a shower in! Your blog is a great journal of sorts, so no more guilt about that! P.s. I'm taking your YTR class and LOVING it!!!
Posted by: Kim | February 28, 2007 at 10:07 AM
what an awesome post!!
nothing better than appreciation even from the little ones.:)
so loving, loved reading this post
i hope you get some rest and capri gets better:)
smooches
Posted by: Vee | February 28, 2007 at 11:05 AM
You DO know what "first things first" is all about...Capri needs her Mommy, and that's what you are giving her. Bless her precious heart, I hope she feels better soon. You are a terrific SUPER-MOM, you do so many things, and pretty soon you are going to have another baby! I don't know how you will do it, but I know somehow you will! But if anything has to suffer, let it be the outside obligations. Your family is priceless, and irreplacible..and they grow up SO quickly. Kudos to you, for all you do; and hope you get some quality rest today. :)
Posted by: Diane McVey | February 28, 2007 at 11:30 AM
I'm so sorry Capri is not feeling well. I hope she feels better soon and you and Eric can get some sleep! My kindergartener has also expressed how hard the reading homework is, but I told her she was a smart girl and we just need to take each word apart a little chunk at a time! I struggle so much with the balance! It's a lot harder than I thought it would be, this adult life of mine...but it's worth it.
Posted by: RScrapIT | February 28, 2007 at 01:39 PM
Oh that is just so beautiful that the y recognise how har being a mum is.
Posted by: Tara | February 28, 2007 at 02:47 PM
I find you so admirable. I read your blog all the time, and although i dont have 4 (soon to be 5) children. I only have two (twins - age 3), you make me want to do more with my life. You make me want to have more children, you make me stop and enjoy the little things in life, you make me want to scrapbook more, and journal more...you make me want to be more religious (and i am 26 and i have never even been to church). I just wanted to let you know that I (we) appreciate you to. Because of you I am a better person (even though you dont know me). I even tell my friends sometimes that if they are having a bad day to read your blog...it will make them feel better! So thank you...from the bottom of my heart!
Posted by: Amanda | February 28, 2007 at 02:54 PM
Change is life-long and the sooner you realize it and EMBRACE it - the better of you will be. I keep telling my teenagers that and hopefully it will sink in. You've got to "go with the flow"!
Posted by: Pegomh | February 28, 2007 at 05:10 PM
My 3 y/o son turned to me at dinner tonight gave me a hug and said, "You're a really good person." "And you're a really good baker too!" My heart melted.
It's nice to be appreciated.
Posted by: Lori N | February 28, 2007 at 06:00 PM
Oh, you had me with "looked at me with a tear in her eye"! Glad so many things that could've been viewed as negatives, were looked at with so much optimism and love. And....you have great, emphathetic kids for such a young age. Glad it made your day. xo
Posted by: Colleen E | February 28, 2007 at 07:12 PM
ok, i'm teary eyed!
those kids of yours are keepers! lol.
hope capri is better, soon. & yes, enjoy her 'cuz it goes by so quickly.
thanks for sharing.
maryjo
Posted by: maryjo | February 28, 2007 at 08:01 PM
actually, Heidi, the fact is not that Capri is the most important thing right now... she, and your other children, are the most important things always....
has fame robbed you of your focus?
Posted by: mary | February 28, 2007 at 08:06 PM
Thats so beautiful that your kids see what you do for them, and they realise that its not all that easy all the time. You are lucky to be blessed with such lovely children.
Posted by: Joc | February 28, 2007 at 08:48 PM
I've been reading your blog for a while but i've never left a a comment before. This entry made me a little teary! You're kids are so sweet! I think Capri is maybe 2 weeks older than my daughter...she's going through the same thing. My once perfect baby is now a cranky, unhappy one too! So I feel for you!
What a wonderful conversation you had with your older children. Such a blessing to know they recognize what a wonderful mother you are.
Posted by: Corey | February 28, 2007 at 10:28 PM
You said it perfectly...I don't think we'll ever look back and wish we didn't hold our babies as much!
My husband has been out of town for the last week so I have felt very much the same lately...thinking of all of the things I have to do and just NOT having the time to do it. All it takes from one of my girls is a genuine smile or giggle or, like Capri, tear-filled eyes to make me realise that IT IS OK...we mothers are not super-heroes, and at the end of the day, I would rather have my babies feel happy and loved rather than feel like I got things done.
Thanks so much for sharing and for putting into words what so many of us feel!
Posted by: Talia | February 28, 2007 at 10:34 PM