I guess that it’s been a combo of everything- the travel and events; new product developments and execution of creative ideas; house management … meals, laundry, cleaning bathrooms and under beds… realizing that EVERYONE has seriously grown out of EVERYTHING!! Back logs of organization projects and school projects, hockey/rugby/dance/iceskating/ on and on and on. I hit a wall over the weekend. I thought I was just tired- and that made sense…it actually kinda felt like the crushing blow of jet lag… and I even thought that maybe the jet lag was just catching up! but I slept. I slept in. I took naps. I went to bed early (early for me). and still, I didn’t really want to move. Just the mere question, “mom, what’s for dinner” seemed like more than my brain could even process. There was something wrong- this was not normal. Then the ‘feeling sorry for myself’ set in. I tried to make lists, set some goals- shake it off. I thought for sure a new week would pull me up and out! but Monday morning came, and I was just a huge grouch. Eric went the ‘steer-clear’ route…can’t blame him.
A call got me out of bed, it was someone that I respect –someone that tells it like it is. She pulls no punches. She was following up on something I was (supposed)to be doing…and I started immediately making excuses- even though I know better (than making excuses. my aunt KJ told me that it weakens your character when you make excuses…so I hate it when I do that… but I did). My excuses turned quickly into a slightly choked up description of why I couldn’t fulfill this assignment- instead of accepting my ‘bow out’ attempt, she pressed on- to find out what was really going on. I didn’t think that i’d spill my guts…but I did. I think that I wanted to hear a little validation probably- I wanted to hear that I was doing a great job. Even though I knew I wasn’t.
Instead… she dared to tell me the truth: you have to create the life you love. You have to envision how you want things to be; set goals; make changes and go to work with your priorities in the right places. Stop whining, start doing. And be grateful for EVERY LITTLE THING. Ok, so I have heard these little tid bits before. But that day, I didn’t need to be comforted, I needed to be reminded.
She ended by telling me that she loved me, and that she knew I could pull it all together; that when we feel weak, we can turn to the Lord- and He will be there. No matter what.
The conversation left me in tears for most the day- not really done feeling sorry for myself I think- but the words just kept running laps in my mind.
But it wasn’t until today that I got my moment of clarity.
When we focus on what we don’t have- we have nothing.
Conversely…
When we focus on what we have- we have everything.
And when we focus on what we really want from our lives… it’s truly possible.
It’s all about focus. My heart has turned to all that I have. And I am so thankful.
I really, really needed to hear the things I didn’t want to hear, and with the truth ringing in my ears… I am ready to move forward- eyes bright, focus clear!
Thanks…you know who you are.
